In my job at the Kennedy Space Center, I was briefing some guests on an upcoming mission, only to be interrupted by a man saying, for absolutely no reason, "You are obviously an athlete!" (This was a couple years ago, and I still can't figure out what the tipoff was--the German peasant hips, or propensity to tip over with little to no provocation?) He said, "Which sport do you play?"

I told him I was a figure skater who missed the 1998 Winter Games by thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much, having been railroaded by a corrupt judge of the damn-communist variety. He went away happy.

The day after that I told everybody that I had played of Seinfeld's girlfriends. "They just reran the episode the other day," I said. "I was 'She Eats The Same Thing For Lunch Every Single Day.'" You can get away with this when your days are filled with people you will never see again.

As opposed to now, when I have passed the samecast of characters in the hallway 400 times by 8:09 and have to say "Hi!" or "It's Monday!" every single time. This sucks, as it involves 1) social contact with 2) other people. I think tomorrow I'm going to try spitting random phrases and just keep walking: "I'm ovulating today!"

This also might work well in an elevator. Yell it, sell it, face front.

August 17, 2003

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